10 Things I Won't Do

 by Andrea Mulder-Slater

 

  

Ten things I will not do. 

 

1) Drink booze.

 

I once threw up on a security guard's foot at an outdoor concert. I was a teenager. Drinking just didn't hold any appeal after that. 

 

2) Eat raw meat/fish.

 

Um, enough said.

 

3) Stop loving chocolate.

 

Dark chocolate is a source of iron so I'm basically harming myself if I don't eat it.

 

4) Boil a live lobster.

 

How is boiling anything alive a thing?

 

5) Trust anyone who says, "trust me".

 

They are lying. 

 

6) Wear a strapless top.

 

One word: genetics.

 

7) Hitchhike.

 

I'd rather walk, thank you.

8) Discriminate on the basis of race, gender, age, sexual orientation (or anything else.)

 

No explanation necessary.

 

9) Pick up a spider or insect with my bare hands.

 

I had to do this once to calm a screaming toddler. I haven't been the same since.

 

10) Reach inside someone else's dirty sock to turn it inside out before putting it in the washing machine. 

 

Gross, just gross. Husband and child, I'm looking at you.

 

No, really.