Andrea Mulder-Slater

by Andrea Mulder-Slater I opened the bottom - right hand - cupboard door to look for the colander because those olives weren’t going to rinse themselves. A hand mixer, several plastic bowls, an electric can opener and a package of millet (hastily placed after our arrival the night before) greeted my eyes with nary a colander in sight. I crouched down to get a closer look and as I peered into the darkness, something caught my attention. It was dark, it was brown and it was alive. At least, it used to be. My mom and I laid it on the stove top to get a closer look. This is Richard, the palmetto bug. Richard is was huge. May he (and his detached leg) rest in peace. It wasn’t the first time we’d encountered palmetto bugs while on vacation in the southern US and by the way Floridians, you can call them what you want but a cockroach is still cockroach.

by Andrea Mulder-Slater There were two lines at the Tim Hortons kiosk - one for those ordering bacon, bagels and specialty drinks - and another for the rest of us. As the young man behind the counter handed me my tea, I began digging through the giant expanse that is my purse. Gloves. Princess stickers. Altoids. Chocolate bar wrappers… I was one customer away from my place at the cash register when I remembered the leftover taxi fare change in my pocket. When I looked over the railing, I could see that it was turning into a busy morning in the hospital so I was glad to have arrived early. I was tired, but anxious to find out if my mom would be able to come home after a frightening 38 hours involving a blood transfusion. “One fifty-five, please.” The girl behind the counter watched my money land on the counter. She began to scoop it up and then, she stared at me.

by Andrea Mulder-Slater I'm a Dutch girl. And so, when my editor at The Yummy Mummy Club recently asked if I would share my feelings on a Washington Post article suggesting that my people (specifically Dutch moms) are the most relaxed in the world. I did, and here's how it went... I’m five years-old and I’m in a small a town in northeastern Netherlands, visiting family with my parents.  It’s late afternoon and some neighbourhood kids are riding bicycles on the paths that run beside my aunt’s house. I ask my uncle if he has any spare fietsen (bikes) in the schuur (shed) behind his garden. He does, but they are all too large, except for one that – if modified – should do the trick. He and my father make some adjustments while my mother and her sister enjoy a relaxing cup of tea. Moments later, I pedal past the house, sitting on a bed pillow strapped to the seat post of a too-large Dutch bike. You can read the rest (and I hope you do) at:  http://www.yummymummyclub...

by Andrea Mulder-Slater When I was a teenager, I worked in a record store located in the downtown core of a rapidly growing city.  Beside the store was a run-down hotel where lived an assortment of characters – many of whom had an appreciation for Elvis Presley music and heavy metal t-shirts. I still remember the time an exotic dancer came in to purchase a Metallica shirt. She asked if she could try it on. We had no change room so I suggested instead that she buy it and return it if it wasn’t a good fit. Instead, she removed her sweater – the only piece of clothing separating her bare skin from the patrons in the crowded store - and proceeded to don the t-shirt. It fit – thank God, much to the dismay of several young boys who had been flipping through the vinyl. It wasn’t the last time I saw someone naked at the record store. One evening, a man in an oversize Santa suit came into the store. Not a completely unusual event – we usually saw several folk...

by Andrea Mulder-Slater “Girls have balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.”  ~Joan Jett  My husband and I don’t often talk about his boy bits but when we do, I’m usually throwing out questions like, “Hey, do those ever fall out of your underwear” , “How do you fit everything inside your pants?” and, “Can you please put that stuff away now?” I mean come on; those things aren’t cute. You know I’m right. Still, I feel for the men, I really do. It can’t be easy, walking around with all that junk. When I asked my guy what it’s like having a set of testicles, he said, “It’s like having pocket watches permanently attached to your crotch.”

by Andrea Mulder-Slater There was a time when a few pretty baskets and a couple of coffee cans were enough to contain my kid's craft supplies. That was then. Now, I’ve become an unwilling expert in a new, bewildering math process known as multipladdition . It works like this. If x is the child’s age, and y is said child’s genetic tendency to add glue to all the things, then the answer is four hundred and eleventy billion craft supplies in my office. This is not an exaggeration. It’s just how math works. Read the rest at the Yummy Mummy Club... http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-mulder-slater-the-art-of-childhood/20151112/10-minutes-to-an-organized-craft-space

by Andrea Mulder-Slater Paige didn’t go to my school, but we rode on the same school bus and we shared a bus stop. Paige didn’t have a home-haircut. She went to a salon and smelled of hairspray. Paige didn’t wear t-shirts and jeans. She wore blouses and slacks. Paige didn’t have a pool that had to be deflated and dismantled at the end of the summer. She had an in-ground, indoor swimming spa. But most of all, Paige had pierced ears. Read the rest at the Yummy Mummy Club... http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-mulder-slater-the-art-of-childhood/20150901/i-wont-pierce-my-daughters-ears

by Andrea Mulder-Slater Allow me to preface this post with the following words: If you have a weak stomach, you probably shouldn't read this. ----------------- Having an animal-lover for a child means I'm learning far more about animal behavior than I care to know. For example, just recently, my daughter informed me that naked mole rats like to roll around in their own urine; grasshoppers spit brown goo when they are nervous and owls - after eating small mammals whole - regurgitate the indigestible parts in the form of pellets. Like so. Yeah. Raising children is disgusting. Almost as disgusting as owls. Especially when they come to you, with their little voices and sweet faces - wooden spoon in hand - asking, "Mom, can you help me make Owl Puke Balls?" You say yes to the owl barf because frankly, you are far too intrigued (and exhausted) to say no. To make your own, you will need a small rodent. And, an owl. Or, you can substitute the following i...

The product description read: Witness one of nature's most spectacular transformations - up close - with a reusable, collapsible habitat. Totally appealing, no? When I saw the live butterfly garden advertised online, I became restless. Against my better judgement, I knew I had to get one for my insect-obsessed 6 year old. I mean, the kit promised an easy-to-use feeder and complete instructions. And butterfly larvae with food shipped directly to my home. There was no way this wasn’t happening. Despite my aversion to having bugs in the house, I placed my order and – as is typical in my area – I requested it be shipped to a drop-off location on the USA side of the border so I could pop across, pick it up and bring the parcel home. Now before I continue, I want to make one thing perfectly clear… I am a law-abiding citizen. For the most part. I drive below the speed limit. I almost always tell the supermarket cashier if she accidentally rings my apples in at the regul...

by Andrea Mulder-Slater I woke up this morning with two thoughts in my head. 1) Coffee. Because, coffee. and 2) Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF?! Because, holy freaking crap – I’m in a book that’s being released TODAY. As in right now. Did I mention I’m in a book?  Yes a book! This book : Shannon Day and Tara Wilson of Tipsy Squirrel Press have collected 37 amazing stories that will make you laugh, make you cry and make you pee your pants (in a good way). I’ll be honest here. The thought of my words hanging out in a book, with other - much cooler words - written by thirty-six other women - phenomenal women - from around the world, makes me want to go straight to the mirror to check if I have any flax seeds stuck between my teeth. ---------------------------------------------------- Who are the Wonder contributors ?  Who are the Woe contributors ? Who are the WTF?! contributors?  ---------------------------------------...

by Andrea Mulder-Slater Yesterday, I went for a follow up visit with my optometrist, after something peculiar was discovered during an earlier appointment. Perhaps pure spun gold was found at the edge of my iris. Maybe I had a third pupil. Really I had no idea because I had asked exactly zero questions. Remarkably, I wasn’t the slightest bit concerned about my ocular oddity, which was completely out of character considering the fact that over the past year, I’ve been painstakingly working my way alphabetically through the medical community (cardiologist, dermatologist…) you know, just to “rule things out.” But, for some inexplicable reason, what can go wrong with my eyes is a question I had not yet asked Dr. Google. I arrived early for my 3:30pm appointment. This is what happened next. 3:25pm: Enter waiting room, sit down and grab home decorating magazine. Flip through pages of pristine kitchens with monstrous bowls of glossy lemons sitting on gleaming countertops while spe...

by Andrea Mulder-Slater Do you like flowers?  Of course you do.  Do you like it when flowers start to wither and die, leaving cupfuls of thick, stinky water in their wake? Of course you don't. To bridge the gap, I've come up with five blossoms that won't drop their petals in your cereal bowl. This week on The Art of Childhood , find flower-making ideas that are super-easy, even for non-crafty types. Read it here: 5 Stunning Paper Flowers Kids Can Make http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-mulder-slater-the-art-of-childhood/20150429/5-flowers-that-will-live-forever

by Andrea Mulder-Slater Children and art DO NOT go together. Yes, you read that right. This week on The Art of Childhood , find out why I am banning my kid from making art, and why you should too. End the madness before it's too late. Trust me, I'm an artist. Read it here: Kids Crafts: Just Say NO http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-mulder-slater-the-art-of-childhood/20150421/im-banning-my-kid-from-making-art-and-so